Tough Love Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

Posted on March 15, 2011 by

The lesson of tough love was not something that always came easy to me. As a matter of fact, my only critique on my first evaluation as a classroom teacher was that I needed to tighten up on discipline. I have since gone from being critiqued to being in charge of discipline school-wide.

It was easy to make the transition once I realized that tough love doesn’t mean that I’m giving up on a kid. In fact, its just the opposite.

Great discipline systems are black and white with flexibly gray undertones. Expectations, rules, and consequences for violations  should be clearly communicated, but the spirit through which these rules are upheld and consequences handed out should always have a temperment of love and compassion.

When a child messes up, you can discipline them without giving up on them. My goal before handing out a punishment to a student who has violated the rules is that the student understands what he did wrong, why he is being punished, and what should be done differently next time. Without these factors, punishments are merely punitive, missing key remedial pieces.

“Tough love” is a great phrase because it indicates that you are enforcing the expectations while loving the child enough to see where this behavior may lead in the future. Because you care so much for that child, you are willing to punish them briefly to deter them from ending up in a world of hurt later.

I have even expelled students from school who were able to shake my hand and walk away in a civil manner because they understood that even through this punishment, we were not giving up on them. When a child knows that we still believe his best days are ahead of him, he finds the courage to try again.

The punishment you’re thinking of giving your child may seem harsh to them now, but one day they will look back and realize that it was an act of love and you never gave up on them.

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Go Ahead, Make My Day….or Someone Else’s

Posted on March 8, 2011 by

No matter what it is that you do for a living, we all share days when we begin to wonder about our effectiveness. In our minds, questions begin to surface: “Does anyone really care? I’m I actually making an impact? Is this really where God wants me?” I’ve had some rough days in the past week and had been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. Then someone made my day.

A student who had transferred years ago to another school sent me a letter. Not an email…a letter. The student went on to tell me about his new school and about an assignment that his sociology teacher had given him. The assignment was for them to write a letter to one teacher who really had an impact at some point in their life. Out of all of his teachers, I stood out in his mind.

As I read his words, my whole attitude began to change. I began to see these latest struggles as opportunities to make a difference in another student’s life. The student who wrote the letter hadn’t talked to me in years. He had no idea of the doubts that had been swirling around in my mind the past week. But he took the time to look back on his life’s important moments and say thanks.

Maybe you know someone that you’ve been meaning to encourage, but just haven’t done so for one reason or another. Why wait another day? After all they have done for you, this may be the one time you can pay them back. Gratitude is one of the greatest ways to make someone’s day.

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If You Had 24 Hours To Live

Posted on February 3, 2011 by

I read this question on another site today. What if you had 24 hours to live. What would you do? It really got me thinking. Here is my answer.

The first thing I would do is spend part of the day in repentance and thankfulness to God. Before that final breath came, I would want to know that Jesus and I had a very close relationship. Sounds self-centered? Not really. It’s more Jesus-centered.

Secondly, I’d spend the rest of the day pouring out my love all over my wife and kids. I would tell my wife that there’s no one else I would rather spend my life with than her. I’d tell my kids how proud of them I am. I’d encourage them to live life with all of the passion they possess, to love Jesus, to respect and honor their mom. We’d spend the day laughing, crying, and holding each other.

That is what I would do if I only had 24 hours to live. A question like this tends to put the rest of life into perspective. It refocuses me on what is the most important parts of my seemingly complex life.

So now that I know what I would do if I were about to die, I wonder, why not start now?

How about you? What would your answer look like?

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When You Feel You’ve Lost God’s Anointing

Posted on February 2, 2011 by

If you’re a Christian, you know what this post is all about. The anointing is the power behind the service of a believer. It is daily being led by the voice of God, that inner voice that brings so much peace and assurance of our decision.

But throughout life, you will encounter seasons of lost anointing. Some times you will be at fault, and at other times you won’t. You may lose the anointing due to sin, or a stupid mistake. The anointing may even be absent due to situations beyond your control (i.e. not in the right place, not met the right person, not the right time, etc.).

So what is a Christian to do when the anointing feels lost?

1.  Realize your mistake is not beyond God’s grace. Those who once operated in a powerful anointing and then go long periods of time feeling dry usually go through a grieving process. First you begin a relentless search in your thoughts trying to figure out what you did wrong. If you find that you did something wrong, let me remind you of the gospel that you at one time so whole-heartedly proclaimed.

Jesus paid it all. You may have backslidden or simply made an unwise decision that caused great backlash. Whatever the case, there is nothing that has been done that can’t be forgiven. Once you figure out where everything went wrong, repent.

2. Begin where you left off. There has never been a marathon judge who looked at a fallen runner laying on the ground and said, “You need to go back to the starting line to begin again”. Instead, he says the same thing God would say to you today, “Get up from where you fell down, and begin running again”.

3. Your mission and purpose has not changed, although the strategy may have. God has a mission and a purpose specifically for you when he decided to bring you into the world. Whatever that is, it has not changed. Romans 11:29 says:

“For the gifts and calling of God are without repentance.”

Take for example someone that is called to teach God’s word. During certain seasons of their life, this may be carried out through preaching, blogging, writing books, online podcasts, leading a small group, etc. The mission and purpose has not changed, but the strategy through which they are fulfilled may change many times throughout the course of his life.

4. Fellowship with the right people. There are gifts within you that must be stirred up again. There are certain people that stir my spiritual gifts every time I get around them. These are people that are in someway connected to your ministry. They carry a similar anointing. Paul talked about this with Timothy:

“…I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands.” –2 Timothy 1:6

Rather than fellowshipping with the right people, maybe you need to sever some ties to people who are pulling your desires towards things that are not related to your life’s mission.

5. Be patient. God has not forgotten you. You are far to precious to him. If you feel that you’ve been placed on the shelf, continue to faithfully seek after him. Jeremiah 33:3 reminds us “Call unto me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”

How have you handled those seasons when you feel you’ve lost the anointing? Please feel free to share. You may be able to help someone else.

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